September 25, 2009

I've never been so in love.
After everything we've been through there's nothing in the world that could ever give me the ability to stop loving him.
I've changed so much in the past few years that I fear I'm making him unhappy. I'm not who I was before and it scares me because he fell in love with THAT person, not the depressive, pessimistic, physically and emotionally problematic person I am now. I didn't want to change. It just happened.
I always hear about these people that complain about how their husbands or wives have changed and it leads to divorce. Of course there are countless reasons as to why that would happen, but I can't help but wonder if it'd ever happen to me.
Having said that, I know without a doubt that I'd never leave my husband. Not even in a bazillion years.
Though I've changed, there's always going to be that part of me that reminisces about the days we first met to make me fall in love all over again. And it never fails to do so.

I never knew "I like your shoes" would end up being so romantic to me.
I never knew I'd actually get the chance to be with someone that I desired more than anything. Watching him in high-school, seeing him with his other girlfriends, trying to remember his class schedule, wondering if I should ask about him. Those were the most incompetent of my days, learning what true adoration meant. Learning how to deal with being so impassioned over someone.

I'm in love with someone who deserves better than me; the changed me.
How can someone handle that?
I've realized my complications and disposition. Isn't that enough to give me the ability to alter my anxieties?

My biggest fear is losing the person I love the most because of my silly apprehension and differences in myself as a person.