June 10, 2010

It's been awhile...
Not much has changed. A few messy thoughts and confusing encounters here and there but nothing more.

I've, yet again, reattached myself to learning how to get my mindset straightened out. I'm trying harder. Things look up then look away but it's all about patience and recovery, right?
Something in particular happened while I was "away" and though now my mentality is a bit more motivated than before, old familiar thoughts and worries are randomly rushing back because of something so simple. Something that was obviously intended to be cleared up but was only messed up even more. And it's still all me. My fault. No self pity, no expectance, just my mistake.
And I miss things.
Then I hate those things until I'm sick. Only it just goes 'round and 'round in a sort of cycle, flustering my mind until I don't even know what I miss anymore. It's as if I reach my highest highs then fall into my lowest lows all in the same moment in time and I begin to miss the most irrational of things making everything seem better when it really isn't at all.
I just need things to be back to the way they were before. Before all this "mental clarity" stuff happened. Before my misgiving outlooks and aberration.

Still distressed, same complaints and still the same.