September 15, 2011

I'd give anything.
An understanding, an idea, a sense of hope. I feel like I'm broken into a million little pieces, all of them varying from every possible perception to ever exist. I want to give up. Forever. I've tried everything. At times it's perfect and other times I can't even find the right thought to think. No one should settle for a bad occurrence in their lives, accepting it as their destiny. But now, tonight, there's no way out. There was a hint of comprehension for a brief moment, so I thought. That's gone. It's more complicated now. No one can understand it because no one knows. It cynically helps that I take a piece of every incident and carry it firmly with me for the next time around and at the end of it all, I'll have the most abundant figurative collection of hindrances that has ever existed. I'll break a record and I'll be famous. Famous for my desolation and futility. Yeah... then it will all be better.
Just turn away from me. Go away and everything will get easier. But then come back. Stay as usual so I can weaken.
When is it safe to authorize my official abdication? Has it already happened or does something have to happen to portray it?
I refrain.