October 6, 2011

Today I realized how much I've missed you. Everything you've ever done to betray me, whether big or small, had vanished for that split moment when I noticed. The past came back, the good parts. The future seemed alright and I imagined making things work, making things better. I imagined you making things better, making things work.
I could almost hear the innocence in your voice. I could smell the old familiar smells and hear the old familiar words we'd say. It was almost awkward but I let that go. I wanted you back. The way you used to be before now. Maybe I could turn everything around and press pause; delete everything we know now and press play. Then maybe we'd be fine.
I never liked the feeling I got when we were together facing rational colloquy but it was only the illogical moments that made me feel okay.
Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. I never had you but now that everything is coming up and coming out, I miss you. Maybe I just need to have more admission. Maybe I just need to have more realizations like these. Maybe it's always been me, not you.
There's too much going on for me to not miss you. I guess I just need you in times like these. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Need you?
To be continued.