February 5, 2013

Did you ever notice how time seems to slow down at night? How everything seems to be illuminated by flicks of light? How the smallest amount of light highlights the romance of the darkness? How dramatic your emotions get just because of how still the world has become and how calm everyone around you had shifted?
I always notice how you evolve into everything less than that; Everything less than the passion of night. You find the good in the stillness and you break it. You ruin it like a maker ruins his creation when he's so close to fixing it but so far away from finishing. You rip it apart then you start over. Psychotic, to say the least.
You don't notice how accidental you are. You're a mistake trying to take on the best of things when you can barely speak of sound contention. But you're not who you used to be, you're not that close to redemption anymore.
I want you to notice how pathetic you make me feel. I want you to notice how much I despise you and how foolish you make me act when I think of you. I want you to notice that you're strange and you're wrong. The apparatus you've become isn't even comparable to the cataclysm that makes you. You aren't worthy of a moment.
I notice the tragedy; Our tragedy. I notice the things you want to notice yet you never let me stay. I can't hang around because you won't let me see your life in failure. You're ashamed, as you should be. Because you live in a world where breaking happiness is rational and walking upright with your chin high is almost awkward. You live in a world where breathing at a normal pace is so foreign that you've forgotten just quite how to breathe. You live in a world where being in love is repulsive and holding hands is much like that of a criminal attack. You live in a world where I'm allowed no where near your peripheral sighting. Where I'm allowed a nonexistent amount of your wasted time. Where I'm allowed no more than a few unknowing glances past you, balanced on the furthest mountaintop of the earth. Where I'm allowed to move only in myself the way I want to only move in you. Where I'm allowed to tear open the thoughts I have for you and I receive none of yours.
You notice nothing. You deserve nothing.